So you did it. You made a human for 9 long months, and let’s face it. At times it sucked, but then you got this adorable squished-looking bundle of cuteness out of it. It was definitely worth it. You then survived the 6-week postpartum phase of crazy hormones, the engorged and leaky boobs and the postpartum poop. And now it’s time to see your doctor so they can make sure things are starting to get back to normal down there.
After squeezing that little human out, it’s pretty much a guarantee that sex is the very last thing on your mind. I mean something huge just came out of there and wreaked havoc on your nether regions; there’s no way you now want to put something back up it.
So once you’re at your doctor, with your legs up in the most vulnerable position you can be in, and they clear you for sex, there will be a few things that will cross your mind.
First- Is this doctor insane? I haven’t even figured out how to fit in showering on a daily basis into my life and they expect me to be intimate with someone?
Just breathe; it’s going to be okay. It has to be okay, right? People make multiple babies; so obviously women do end up having sex again!
Sex is supposed to be fun. I certainly enjoyed it pre- baby. In fact, I enjoyed it a lot. I got this!
Here are a few things you’ll need to know to mentally prepare yourself for the big night.
1. It’s not going to feel great. Like not even a little bit. Sure, there are those unicorn moms that have great sex the first time after, but for most, it’s going to suck. You may even cry. Everything down there has changed, and it may take a few dozen times before you learn how to navigate this new terrain. Later on down the road, it may even feel better than before you had a baby. I can assure you that eventually it did for me. So for that first time, down a glass of wine or three, grab that lube and go slow.
2. Speaking of lube, you’re going to need a lot of it. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. Use it liberally. Even if you’ve never used lube in your entire life, trust me, you’ll need it now. Those lovely postpartum hormones do a lot of things to your body and one of them is to make you drier than the Sahara dessert. So get that Costco-sized lube. Trust me. You’ll thank me when it’s over.
3. You might pee or bleed. Your body has now become a leaky mess, from bleeding for almost six weeks to milk flying across the room as you let down. Well I’m sorry to say; down there may be no better. So if you are lucky enough to orgasm in the early days of having sex after a baby, a little pee may come out as well. You may also be extremely tight down there, especially if you had an episiotomy and the dryness doesn’t help (thank god you bought that economy- sized lube amiright?!), so you may also bleed. I suggest putting a towel underneath you, just in case.
4. Don’t get adventurous. This is not the night to let your freak flag fly. Missionary is your best bet. And go slow. Your usual favourite positions are probably not the ones you’ll want to be trying out that first time.
5. You’ll probably get interrupted. That little burrito you pushed out doesn’t care if you’re in the midst of knockin’ boots. When he or she wants to be fed or changed, he or she wants it now. Be prepared for multiple interruptions.
6. You might squirt your partner in the face with breast milk. Yup. Sometimes your milk may let down mid hanky-panky. I suggest wearing a bra with nursing pads, or just warn your partner beforehand.
7. It’s okay to stop and try again another time. You may start going at it and halfway through think of just throwing in the towel. You’ll think ‘who really needs sex, right?’ The Pope seems to be doing just fine! You have the rest of your life to get it on with your significant other, so if you are truly uncomfortable, in pain or just not ready, let your partner know how you’re feeling. If they’re a great partner, they’ll understand.
But do try again when you’re ready. Sex is an important part of a relationship, and you deserve to feel like a woman again, not just a mama. I promise it gets better, and eventually even gets good again.